so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
