so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
