I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
