I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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