dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
