Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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