I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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