saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
A bitchslap is in order.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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