dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
