Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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