I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
