his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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