My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
