Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
