I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize