Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
