mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Randomize
