Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
