mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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