So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
