A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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