bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
