This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
