that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
