you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
