every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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