the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
