tonight lets celebrate not being married
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
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He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
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It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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