ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
