He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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