i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
