Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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