Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
