trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
