Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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