I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
