The maid of honor just puked.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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