living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
