i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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