i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
