i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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