We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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