in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
