I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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