guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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