I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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