I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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