i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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