i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a kid would responsible me up
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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