I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
