Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
