Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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