you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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