wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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