So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
