Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
