i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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