There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
