Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize