I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
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Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
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I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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