i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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