If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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