i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
