I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I take back everything I said about communal showers
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
