why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My life is pants optional.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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