I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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