Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
