i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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