he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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